Sunday night...I should be at work but have had a killer migraine for the last couple of day's *woe me*...it's starting to ease now so I shan't dwell on that!
This week...hmm had a bit of an odd one really, still no word on a job *sigh* but I'll carry on looking tomorrow...even if I return to the dizzy heights of the mighty ASDA it's better than having nothing better to do than geek around on here all day...kinda (as if I do that :|).
erm what else...not allot else...worked in the bar...& got chased by the worlds largest spider (OK maybe not the largest) but it terrified the living daylights out of me I can tell you...much to the amusement of the customers may I add...slightly embarrassing :p
...My mind has gone totally blank :s...may be to do with my eight year old brother practising his wrestling moves behind me :p...oh well I shall add more when I can think!
...now I'm off to watch Dirty Dancing :D what a quality slice of cheese!!
...I've had the time of my life...& I owe it all to you!...
Well you will be quite happy to learn that I awoke in a very chirpy mood this morning...not sure why...maybe it's because there are only 69 day's left untilChristmas...or that I was greeted with the tale of the village "degenerate drug user" who was last night arrested as she was caught with her fingers in the till of the local store...who knows :)
After my slightly down beat post yesterday...I did quite allot of thinking, maybe I just try to rush everything...I mean just because things aren't how I planned at the moment it doesn't mean that it wont all work out for the better in the future does it?!...I shall be more patient from now on, who knows Mr Right may be just round the corner :o)
Note to self: Stay positive...things could be much worse
That is all :)....enjoy your day!!
...I find it easier to sit and stare, than push my limbs out towards you right there. My heart is bursting in your perfect eyes, as blue as oceans and as pure as skies...
When you finally wake up to what others have seen all along it can only be best described as one of those Eureka! moments....only sadly lacking the joy & enthusiasm.
At what point did this happen...when did I become so blinkered that I couldn't see what was happening around me?!...god I hate being a pessimist but I do feel like I've been taken for a mug recently.
I'll try to shed some light on my ramblings for you: -
So this guy...who I kinda liked...but shouldn't have..but told him I did anyway, well it's pretty much confirmed now that he's far from over his ex *sigh*...It annoys me so much that I've only just realised this...even after he didn't always reply to texts or emails...makes plans & cancels...I mean last week he stood me up without an explanation or an apology & just acted like nothing had happened. The worst thing is I know this is totally my fault & not his as much as I'd love to lay the blame on someone else. I think I've waited for so long for someone to come along that I didn't really stop to check if the feeling was mutual just started carrying on like a doe eyed school girl embarrassingly...well I know now which is the main thing, hopefully I'll learn from this.
Well I'd like to say that the week's going to take a more positive turn after my little revelation today but unfortunately that's not the case...I'm currently sitting by the phone "still" waiting for a call about a job...I really hate being unemployed...well (as far as the tax man is concerned I am :s) even though this is only my third day!...then there's the fact that my mum's stopped smoking...I'm so pleased that she finally feels ready to kick the habit...but dear god...the mood swings! the government should set up support groups for families dealing with quitters...it's terrible...you spend the entire day walking on egg shells & for what?! to be told that you are useless & never do anything to help...& then get laid with the guilt that if they start smoking again it will be your fault!!..if I didn't care about her health so much I go buy her 20 Regals...but I shall persevere...(currently my mums telling me she feels like burning everything that's out of place) *I repeatedly tell myself* it's all for the best :s
I know what your thinking...I'm over reacting I should just get out of the house for a bit...all fair & good but this is where the next problem Lie's, when I want to clear my head...or just generally don't want to be disturbed I go to the gym...my trips have been getting allot more frequent of late. Great you may say but it's worrying to me...I used to be a bit of an obsessive in this area a few years back you see & wound up fairly unhealthy as a result..an awful mix of stress & low self esteem drove me to a disgraceful size 4 (or zero) if you've been reading about the disgusting trend in the tabloids recently. My family were so supportive & managed to pull me out of the destructive cycle before it was too late & I did serious damage to my health. I'm a different person all together now to what I was then but unsurprisingly still fear going down that road again so I've been trying to limit my gym sessions lately.
This hasn't left me with a great deal else to do...I don't drive which significantly limits where I can go & who I can see, my best friend Jo is tied up with Wedding plans so I'm lucky if I get to see her once a week and Gaynor, she's such a sweetie but think she gets bored discussing...news/work & many other topics & would rather hit the town which is something I've been enjoying less & less recently (I'm turning into such an old woman). The only real thing I have planned for this week is to spend Friday with Rachel I wish I could say I was looking forward to this... she's one of my closest friends but has had more dramas in her 28years than many people would ever wish to have in their entire lives. Friday we shall spend visiting her little girls grave...I do this every anniversary with her, it's very upsetting & I never know what to say....what can you really?...all I know is that it some how helps her having me there...so I go, as any good friend would do to support their Friend when they need it most & here I am writing about how bad I've got it.
I hope I have some nicer news to write about next time.
Ok ok so I've been meaning to do this for a while...a long while in fact, I just never seem to get round to it. I was talking to my best friend Jo...over a bottle of wine, in some fine "two for one" eating establishment recently about...well my life in general & the drama's I seem to keep having & she suggested I write about it. No idea why but apparently she finds my ramblings entertaining?! so...*ahem* in my best Keenan & Kel style voice (oh dear God)...Aw, here it goes!
Right so I've had allot on my mind recently..an unhealthy amount you might say, especially for someone who is prone to over thinking and analysing things as much as I am.
Firstly there's "the move" ah yes the the most favoured topic of conversation in my house...& has been for the past few years as I recall. Basically my parents are wanting to emigrate to NZ...which is great, but they need to sell this house before they can go...which is the problem. I've had countless arguments with my Step dad over the price...I think he's got it on the market for too much & that's why we've been up for sale since November! without an offer...frustratingly he's holding out for the asking price...which inevitably will never come *sigh*
And to add to the drama of "the move" I decided...after spending a few months in NZ earlier this year that I don't want to move there permanently at this present time...my mum is not pleased with me about this to say the least & has chosen (annoyingly) to pretend like I've said nothing...& still tells everyone I'm still going *grrr* (why don't people take me seriously!!).
Then there's work...this I don't even want to talk about at the moment, I was working then I wasn't...then I was working again, then I wasn't...then I thought I had a stable job...& last week found out I didn't anymore :'( WHY?? please someone tell me am I that hard to employ...what is it?...that fact that I turn up on time (I know employers hate that)...or that I get on with my colleagues...or maybe that I finish set tasks?...I'm fairly frustrated as you may be able to tell *hmph*
I'm so confused right now where to go work wise, I've even been contemplating joining the Army...seriously, I've had interviews and everything...just need to sit my BARB now to check that I can get into my chosen Corps...but I've been putting this off, I think it's the "four year minimum service" that's worrying me...I've been told it will take about five month's from applying until I actually start training which mean's I'll be 23 add four year's reconable service to that & I'll be over 27 by the time I'm allowed out...(you can see my over thinking coming into play cant you) it's just a daunting prospect & something I want to give allot more thought to before making my final decision.
Men. ah the elusive "perfect guy"...we've all got our ideal's...but I don't think I'm asking for too much, am I?...I'll let you decide. I just want someone who gets me...who knows I'm sarcastic & doesn't take offence at every little thing I say, someone who wants to spend time with me, who doesn't hide me from their friends (or stop me seeing mine) who just enjoys the same types of things I do really.
I always have problem's in this area...I met a guy...he was nice for a while, a long while in fact...we went on holidays...spent many Christmas/Birthday's together, almost bought a house...we were even getting engaged...then I woke up to the fact he's some needy mummy's boy who loved to put me down..."fat, ugly, no friend's" a few pleasant comments he regularly made...& let's not forget the time's I was glassed/jumped/almost arrested & generally humiliated for his amusement...thanks for the last few year's Mr.
Needless to say I've steered clear of relationships since, I've met some nice guy's over the past year or so who I'm sure had genuinely good intentions towards me but I've always pushed them away, it's only been very recently that I've even contemplated the whole "dating" thing...& to be honest I'm terrified at the thought!...I met a guy who I kinda like...ok I like, I've known him for a little while now so thought..."just be honest"...so I was *argh* I'm so not sure if it was the right thing to do see he's just got out of a relationship, but they'd been on/off for a while, so if it's another of those situations & they get back together I'll feel a tad stupid...oh well it's done now *gulp*
So anyway that's my lot for tonight...please excuse all grammatical errors...I'm more of a talker than a writer :p
I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
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