Wake up will you!

When you finally wake up to what others have seen all along it can only be best described as one of those Eureka! moments....only sadly lacking the joy & enthusiasm.

At what point did this happen...when did I become so blinkered that I couldn't see what was happening around me?!...god I hate being a pessimist but I do feel like I've been taken for a mug recently.

I'll try to shed some light on my ramblings for you: -

So this guy...who I kinda liked...but shouldn't have..but told him I did anyway, well it's pretty much confirmed now that he's far from over his ex *sigh*...It annoys me so much that I've only just realised this...even after he didn't always reply to texts or emails...makes plans & cancels...I mean last week he stood me up without an explanation or an apology & just acted like nothing had happened. The worst thing is I know this is totally my fault & not his as much as I'd love to lay the blame on someone else. I think I've waited for so long for someone to come along that I didn't really stop to check if the feeling was mutual just started carrying on like a doe eyed school girl embarrassingly...well I know now which is the main thing, hopefully I'll learn from this.

Well I'd like to say that the week's going to take a more positive turn after my little revelation today but unfortunately that's not the case...I'm currently sitting by the phone "still" waiting for a call about a job...I really hate being unemployed...well (as far as the tax man is concerned I am :s) even though this is only my third day!...then there's the fact that my mum's stopped smoking...I'm so pleased that she finally feels ready to kick the habit...but dear god...the mood swings! the government should set up support groups for families dealing with quitters...it's terrible...you spend the entire day walking on egg shells & for what?! to be told that you are useless & never do anything to help...& then get laid with the guilt that if they start smoking again it will be your fault!!..if I didn't care about her health so much I go buy her 20 Regals...but I shall persevere...(currently my mums telling me she feels like burning everything that's out of place) *I repeatedly tell myself* it's all for the best :s

I know what your thinking...I'm over reacting I should just get out of the house for a bit...all fair & good but this is where the next problem Lie's, when I want to clear my head...or just generally don't want to be disturbed I go to the gym...my trips have been getting allot more frequent of late. Great you may say but it's worrying to me...I used to be a bit of an obsessive in this area a few years back you see & wound up fairly unhealthy as a result..an awful mix of stress & low self esteem drove me to a disgraceful size 4 (or zero) if you've been reading about the disgusting trend in the tabloids recently. My family were so supportive & managed to pull me out of the destructive cycle before it was too late & I did serious damage to my health. I'm a different person all together now to what I was then but unsurprisingly still fear going down that road again so I've been trying to limit my gym sessions lately.

This hasn't left me with a great deal else to do...I don't drive which significantly limits where I can go & who I can see, my best friend Jo is tied up with Wedding plans so I'm lucky if I get to see her once a week and Gaynor, she's such a sweetie but think she gets bored discussing...news/work & many other topics & would rather hit the town which is something I've been enjoying less & less recently (I'm turning into such an old woman). The only real thing I have planned for this week is to spend Friday with Rachel I wish I could say I was looking forward to this... she's one of my closest friends but has had more dramas in her 28years than many people would ever wish to have in their entire lives. Friday we shall spend visiting her little girls grave...I do this every anniversary with her, it's very upsetting & I never know what to say....what can you really?...all I know is that it some how helps her having me there...so I go, as any good friend would do to support their Friend when they need it most & here I am writing about how bad I've got it.

I hope I have some nicer news to write about next time.


Coldplay – Fix You